she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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