If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
