Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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