We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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