Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
