I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
