You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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