he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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