he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I looked at my own cervix.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
