I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
