I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
