I think im going to throw up on grandma
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
