I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
