you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
