You just made me feel so damn special
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
