I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
