My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
