My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
