i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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