Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
