There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
