Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize