I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
