i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
