I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
