I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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