All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
