you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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