True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
