I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
