I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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