i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
