I'm gonna have a badass scar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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