never play flip cup with pint glasses
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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