idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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