i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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