The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
