wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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