i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
