Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
