so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
