he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Someone signed my nipple.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
