That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
