I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
