sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
