my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had sex on a roof
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
