Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
