So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize