i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
