i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
