Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
