Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
