I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
