I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
