I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
