I just pynch a tree in the face
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
