just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
