Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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