I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
