"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
