It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
