I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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