I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
