After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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