i think my tv is drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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