i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
