If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are two peas in an std pod
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
