Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You dont lie about slip and slides
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
