He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
