I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
