Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
