Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
